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IRON AUTHOR was a rousing success and my one regret is I was in it and therefor not able to -watch- it.

The cast consisted of Lisa Leutheuser as Chairman Kaga, her husband Joe as Ota-san, my husband WJ as Fukui-san (in his tux, looking extremely yummy), me as IA Horror, Keith DeCandido as IA SF, Josepha Sherman as IA Fantasy, Yog (James MacDonald) as the Challenger, and a judging panel consisting of editor Teresa Neilsen-Hayden, editor Amy Goldschlager, writer James Hartley and writer Shariann Lewitt.

Shariann was a last-minute sub for Madeleine Robins, who fell ill. Despite lack of familiarity with the show itself, Shariann did a great job thanks to her drama training and improv skills. Yay!

Lisa had seen to it that we had all the proper IRON CHEF music on tape with appropriately altered voiceovers. The IAs were standing at the back of the stage, backs to the audience, and turned around when appropriate. (We didn't rise through the floor because. . .oh come ON, like you expected us to have stage machinery?) The Challenger, suitably encouraged by the Chairman, marched in with a snow shovel over one shoulder with which he executed a perfect Manual of Arms.

There was a long table with the ingredients under wraps and then. . the Theme was announced: Battle QUEST! We pounced on the unveiled assortment of Really Weird Stuff. I zeroed in on the inflatable flamingo. For the actual writing, we had 15 minutes. The borrowed electric typewriter I was using was Not My Friend so I reverted to longhand, which Josepha also chose, while Yog and Keith used laptops.

And then. . .Reading & Judgment. When I heard how well my fellow authors had integrated -many- ingredients into their stories (including a rather train-wreck-fascinating obsession with a rubber artichoke) and realzied I was using -only- the flamingo, I was pretty sure the Challenger would take it. (After all, he not only used many ingredients in his Quest story, but managed to integrate all three genres! Brilliant.) So when the results were announced and -I- won I was pretty surprised.

And no, sleeping with Fukui-san was NOT why, though some people insisted that I won because I was the ony person who did NOT feature the artichoke.

And so, as thousands cheered, and Ota-san once more declared his undying love for Fukui-san (see note -- Lisa), the second IRON AUTHOR challenge passed into the annals of literary history.

[Bows to the cheap seats]


Note by Lisa: During the first Iron Author competition at ConFusion there was a long moment of silence while the scores were being tabulated. The audience grew restless. Thinking quick, Joe "Ota" Saul said to Steven "Fukui" Piziks, "Piziks-san, I've always loved you." He did the same to WJ at Boskone.